Why It Took Me 26 Years to Write This

I’ve spent 26 years procrastinating on this blog post.

Yes, it’s my first one, Yes, I’ve been in the industry this long without posting anything on Social Media, not because I don’t want to, not because I have nothing of importance to say. But, as it turns out, I have a neurological disorder which actually prevents me from achieving the things I want to, and Yes, I’m talking about ADHD, probably the most used 4 letters in recent history since swear words.

92% of my experience in the IT industry has gone undiagnosed (I worked it out and rounded it up, you’re welcome), I have come up with all sorts of ideas and side projects, from the wild and wacky to some that genuinely may have had legs. Did I create them, design a proof of concept maybe? Did I spend time refining them and putting them into the public view?

Of course not, not because I don’t want to. Not because I’m scared, not because I’m lazy, but because I have a neurolog…. Wait, you've heard this before. Let me go back...

It all started a long long time ago in a town far away. It was in the 80s when my “personal computer” was a BBC Master and we wrote code from the monthly magazine that we bought from our local newsagents. Kids with ADHD back then were just seen as the troublemakers, the ones that disturbed the class, the “class clown” so to speak. This was me, I didn’t intend to, I was just distracted, I was thankfully, quite academically gifted at school which meant that my work was straightforward, it meant I completed it too fast and then was left to my own devices, this was not a good mix for a kid that needs their mind challenging and kept occupied. However, I think I’ll leave the problems with the national curriculum and pedagogy to my much more talented wife.

Fast forward many years, through multiple verbal warnings that spanned my career ladder, which became very familiar to my ears as I progressed with still no real reason as to why, leaving me to think that I’m just not capable and causing the Imposter Syndrome to flare up on the daily, “Why can’t I do it when everyone else can?”, “Why am I getting into trouble?”

The idea of ADHD was always floating around me as I grew up but knowing where to start and that society didn’t really understand it left me until I decided to investigate it myself at the ripe age of 42.

Weirdly, I’m an impatient impulsive person, the NHS however, as you well know, does not align with these “values” of mine. I wanted an answer and I didn’t want to wait, thankfully I had the resources to go privately which allowed me to “skip the line” as it were.

The actual testing was thorough, we went through childhood,discussing my personality and traits through the different stages in my life and it really only occurred to me just how obvious it all was.

Having this diagnosis and understanding has led to the last 2 years, learning and being kind to myself, in the next post I’ll detail the things I’ve noted that are specific to me but may apply to you too.